Early this morning it came to light that website Destructoid.com has been accepting kickbacks from all manner of companies. Some companies, such as Ubisoft and Vivendi had been plying Destructoid’s supposedly hardcore writers with cash, gifts and sexy asian women, while other organizations — most notoriously Purina Pet Food — had been offering reviewers free samples of various flavors of dry and wet dog chow in exchange for complementary reviews.
After months of accusations from the wiliest corners of the Internet, this payola scandal comes as a shock to none, but the amount of money changing hands is utterly mind boggling. In one month, the editorial staff of the site consumed 300 gallons of gravy, sixty thirty-pound turkeys, forty bags of potatoes and a family of ducks who merely wandered into the server room. The entirety of this food was bought and paid for by the DuPont corporation, who had cajoled Destructoid’s supposedly unflappable writers into praising their exceedingly soft bathroom tissue products.
If there is one thing to be learned from this shocking scandal, it would be that objectivity in journalism only extends as far as the subject is willing to write a check. In a world where we can’t trust a Mexican in a robot helmet, who can we trust?
[Clarification: According to sources, site owner “Niero” is actually Cuban, not as we and most of caucasian America originally assumed, Mexican. We apologize for any confusion we may have caused.]
Faith:I’ve been playingBioShock —still — andCarcassonneall week long. I love that game. It’s so addicting but I need more people to play with. Download this game, so I have people to play with.
I also downloadedSuper Puzzle Fighter’sdemo and may I say that kitty cat chick is hot. I boughtSonic the Hedgehog 2on XLA because I missed out on the wholeSonicthing when I was a kid and I need to see what everyone is talking about. I was a Nintendo child. I’m sorry.
(This message brought to you by Milton-Bradley!)Nex:I FINALLY got My 360 back. While I heart Microsoft for everything they did for me during this ordeal, I’m going to lob balloons full of menstrual blood at every UPS employee I see from this day forward.
With my 360 back, I’ve been playing the following:skate, Puzzle Fighter, Bomberman Live, Blue Dragon, Senko no Rondeand of course,BioShock. I had yet to truly experience it before the last few days, and if you have yet to play it, you’re missing out on one of the few games one could realistically describe as better than sex.
(This message brought to you by Playtex Feminine Hygeine Products!)
Leigh Alexander:I’m playingMetroid Prime 3, and am just more fascinated than ever with Samus Aran, particularly through this particularly rad incarnation that puts us so close, and yet so far! I’m workin’ onRune Factory, which means essentially I have fallen into a hole of farming-fixated deliciousness. I’m lookin’ for a new hoe, and I’m not referring to garden tools (zing!)
I have yet to beatPersona 3due to my obsessive-compulsive desire to be a PERFECT student, so I’m working through it in bites here and there. And Eliza’s recent post inspired me to get back on the text adventure train, so I’m combing the IF Archive for the most confounding, meticulously-parsed and convoluted games I can find. I love that crap.
(This message brought to you by Uncle Ben’s Minute Rice!)
Colette Bennett:I’m still playingBioShock and, realizing as I write this, this is the third week in a row I’ve been playingBioShock. I don’t get out much. It’s time to shift gears – about to startPersona 3and also dig back intoFF3for DS. I am also having intenseRhythm Tengokuwithdrawals. I blame Niero.
(This message brought to you by the Atlantic City Tourism Center!)
BlindsideDork:I h ave been doing a lot ofPicross DS. It is incredibly addictive. I threw in someSimCity DSand finally gotJam Sessionsso I have been pretending I am overly popular pop guitarist here and there…what that isn’t everyone’s fantasy? I am going to start someAlien Syndromethis weekend in between shows!
(This message brought to you by Zima!)Topher Cantler:Hopefully someBioShockover the weekend, and anything and everything on XBLA now that I have my 360 back.Super Puzzle Fighter HDis growing on me, and I spent quite a bit of time withSpace Giraffe, even though it’s confusing and not really worth the 800 points I paid for it. Also, I might play one last round ofDon’t Italicize Stuff That Isn’t a Game Because it Annoys Nexbefore I trade it in for something that doesn’t annoy Nex.
(This message brought to you by Domino’s Pizza!)
Dale North:It’s been mostly quality time withPersona 3for me, with the holes being filled in with moreSuper Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD.
(This message brought to you by Nick At Nite!)
Aaron Linde:I don’t think I could be more disappointed withSpace Giraffeif Jeff Minter came to my house and kicked me in the balls. Also clumsily working my way throughFinal Fantasy VII: Crisis Coreand making small moves towards eventually completingMetroid Prime 3. Ron likes to joke that “we play games for a living”, but I haven’t played a single goddamn game for more than an hour uninterrupted in the last month. How I miss playing games.
(This message brought to you by Johnson & Johnson No More Tears Shampoo!)
Jim Sterling:I have been spending my vacation educating my girlfriend in the ways ofMetal Gear Solid. Since finding the original on the PSX was near impossible, we started withSnake Eater, which was met with much approval and pretentious discussion on the folly of international affairs. We have since tracked down a copy ofThe Twin Snakesfor Gamecube, which will do enough to show the story before we culminate withSons of Liberty, which shall be doubtless picked up sometime this week. It’s quite interesting playing theMGSseries fromSnake Eateronwards, lends a slightly different perspective on things.
I grow impatient for Solidus Snake, the ultimate Libertarian. Except evil.
(This message brought to you by Velveeta!)
Chad Concelmo:My nagging internal debates of the week: Do I like the spread gun or homing missiles better (Contra III: The Alien Wars)? What’s more fun: shooting out tires or blowing things up (Crackdown)? Is Slippy a boy or a girl (Star Fox 64)? My head is full of many remarkably intelligent thoughts.
(This message brought to you by the Geddy Lee Center For Gifted Children!)
Nick Chester:I’ve been playing the “Prepare for Tokyo Game Show” game, but when not doing that, I’m playing: theWorld in Conflictdemo on the PC;Strangleholdon the 360;Metroid Prime 3on the Wii; and bothLairandWarhawkon the PS3.
(This message brought to you by Nilla Wafers!)
Dick McVengeance:Finally beatingSymphony of the Nightwas a joy, and so now, my attention is turned to Bridget in all of his glory inGuilty Gear: Accent Core, along with some more face training.
(This message brough to you by Jergen’s Moisturizing Hand Creme!)
Tristero:I’m still giving my Xbox 360 its housewarming party, so it’s beenViva Pinata, Dead Rising, and the old faithfulBomberman Livefor me this week. I need to fire up the Wii and get to my monster backlist of VC titles waiting on my front channels.Landstalker, here I come.
(This message brought to you by the Church of Latter Day Saints!)
Dyson Grigsby:The only game I’ve had a chance to play this week isMetroid Prime 3. I wish I could say that I was loving it like a newborn child, but I’m barely into the game and feel quite bored with it already (sorry Chad!!). I’ll give it another go this weekend, so I’ll update you on my progress next week.
(This message brought to you by General Electric!)
Gameboi:I’ve been playingBioShockwhen time permits, and loving every minute of it. I hope to actually complete the game before the sequel comes out. Other than that, I got my ass handed to me by Snaileb and a few others onGears of War(which I haven’t played since I beat the damn thing eons ago). In other words, I suck at multiplayer games.
(This message brought to you by Wal-Mart!)
David Houghton:It’s been another bash onJerichofor me, along with a few rounds of Late Cross-Country Train Challenge: All The Birmingham Signal Boxes Are Broken Edition either side. I also gaveHalomultiplayer another chance, but unfortunately once again I had far less than what could be accurately described “fun”
(This message brought to you by the East India Company!)
What about you? What have you been playing, and are you enjoying our corporate overlords as much as we are? Capitalist greed über alles!
