You awaken in a darkened room. The bed below you seems to be made of unkempt straw, and as you struggle to gather your wits about you, the jagged ends of the stuffing etch a sea of red dots into the side of your leg.
Looking to your left you spot your Luger, a glass of water, and a Sonic the Hedgehog plush doll; to your right lies a still-sleeping woman. You want to think her name is Mona, but you have no recollection of where you would have learned her name, where you would have met her, or how you ended up sleeping next to her in a room that smells vaguely of ammonia and honey.
Standing, you pull your shirt and pants on before dropping to your knees next to the nightstand. It didn’t strike you until just now exactly how horrid you felt, but as a torrent of vaguely digested food springs forth from your mouth, you have a new appreciation for the angst of teenage girls. As you scan the room a second time, mostly to keep your mind off of the waves of nausea, you decide amnesia is a fate best left to soap opera actors and the elderly.
To awaken and question the mysterious woman, turn to page 24!To look for an exit from the room, turn to page 72!To play with the Sonic the Hedgehog plush doll while gently humming the theme song from Green Hill Zone, turn to page 13!
To find out what the editors have been playing this week, turn to page DIRECTLY BELOW THIS SENTENCE!
Faith:I’ve been playingBrain Ageon the Nintendo DS every day since Monday and now I’ll be prepared if I ever need to quickly count people running in and out of a house. Also I’m still playingLOTR: Battle for Middle Earth 2on the Xbox360 andPhoenix Wrighton the Nintendo DS. I’m thinking of buyingGuitar Hero IIfor Xbox 360. I feel I need to expand my air guitar skills into something more fulfilling like multiple button mashing and whammy bar usage. I will playFreebirdon expert mode perfectly one day.
Rev. Anthony:Since my friends came back to town, I’ve been doing a lot ofSuper Mario StrikersandSuper Smash Bros Melee. When not doing that, I’m playing one of a half-dozen PS2 games I’ve beaten eighteen times before.
Ron Workman:I have played a lot. First, I got to bring home some prizes from theWing Commander Arenatourney which is hot. Then I accidentally won a match ofBomberman Liveagainst the Dtoid crew. I went on a rampage of arcade games. I just have far too many unlocked achievements out there. Played a lot of racing this week also.Peter North’s Double Darefor the Wii,Forza 2andNFS Most Wantedon the 360. I am getting some use out of that MS steering wheel I “just had to have.” Why aren’t there porn games?
Jim Sterling:I played a littleDynasty Warriors 5: Empires, mostly to mop up a few stupidly easy achievements, though I really am ready for a new game now. Outside of that, it’s pretty much been Live Arcade games from here ’til suppertime. As well as a whole bunch of trials to deduce the games I’m never going to buy, I picked upCastlevania: Symphony of the Nightwhich is … a pain in the arse. Good lord, hard for the sake of hard annoys me. I’m also currently using eBay to pick up bad games I wouldn’t otherwise pay standard secondhand prices for. Thus far, my bids forBullet Witchhave been unsuccessful.
Dale North:This week it’s been a pretty even balance between two games.Resident Evil 4for the Wii seems to keep calling me back – I think the control is absolutely perfect. The other is the gorgeousOdin Sphere, which I just picked up a week ago but cannot put down.
Dick McVengeance:I’ve been playing a bit ofOblivionfor the PS3 when Aaron isn’t mercilessly whipping me to playPersona 3. Now that I’m off in Boston at the time of this article hitting the page, I’ll have been playing a bunch ofHotel Dusk, after getting it from Goozex.
BlindsideDork:Since I have been packing and moving into my new place, I haven’t had much time to play any video games. I did get someBomberman Livein and one horrible game ofGears of Warin, but mainly I have been going atRebelstar: Tactical Commandon the train. It’s pretty sweet, after a few missions it almost literally turns into anX-Comfor your GBA by letting you select what equipment you want each character to carry and then deploy them. A turn-based strategy fans wet dream come true!
Nick Chester:This feels so weird just typing this:NASCAR 2008for the Xbox 360. I don’t have anything to say about this yet, but I’ve learned a) who in the hell Richard Petty is and b) that driving around in a circle is much harder than it looks.
I’ve also been hopelessly addicted to one of these EA Pogo games,Lottso! Deluxeon the PC, which is kind of like bingo meets lotto ticket scratch offs. In theory, it sounds throwaway, and you’d think my time would be better spent playing any number of other games. But I can’t stop playing it until I unlock all of the casinos on the map. Also: picked upGuitar Hero II360 again, and I’m still slowly playingNinja Gaiden Sigma.
Savant:If my “Games of the Week” were made into some sort of old-timey screenplay, it would be called “Two Betas are Betta Than One” with all the rag and not a whole lot of time. As I have masterfully alluded to, I am currently involved with two betas which I have been playing on the weekends.
The first is theFurybeta which has since opened its doors to all comers. The game runs like crap on my current system, but is exactly what a PvP-focused MMO should be. Second, I’ve been cleaning my slate withTabula Rasa(didja see what I did there?) Another promising game that I have nothing but love for at this point.
Last, but not least, is a cornucopia of Xbox 360 euphoria. I’m not going to list them all, but I’ve definitely been logging some serious time in the Arcade. (Joe Burling’sGeometry Warsscore is going down.)
Leigh Alexander:I playedMapleStoryfor the first time ever this week; it reminds me of my beloved old Hudson Soft sidescrollers with the bright cute Japanese faces. Other than that, it’sPokemon,Pokemon,Pokemon, whenever I come up for air fromPersona 3. I am now learning to make Delicious Cake for my Pokeymans, and they must eat it.
Nex:After watching a 2AM showing ofClash of the Titansthis last week, I finally forced myself to go out and pick upGod of War. I’d played a bit of the sequel and had never played the first, and I’m utterly stunned at how rad it is. If I had to make a rushed, lame comparison between the two ancient epics, I’d sayGod of Waris toClash of the Titansas mommy-daughter porn is toPlayboy. Both will fulfill that certain jonesin’ you might have for the particular topic, but with the former, you end up being fulfilled all over yourself, the wall behind you, and your cat.
Topher Cantler:My crappy day job left room for lots of import love on my DS this week withTingle in Rupee land(just as batshit as I thought it would be), Square-Enix’sIt’s a Wonderful World, FFXII: Revenant Wings, Taiko no Tatsujin DS(that addictive drum thingy), and poking boobs inDokiDoki Majo Shinpan. I’ve also been trying to finish upTouch Detective.
As for games that don’t fit in my pocket, I enjoyed someForza 2online with Ron and Droobies, and actually had my first win ever inBomberman Live, mostly because everyone was busy attacking Grim .
.tiff:I managed to ninja my younger brother’s 360 for a few solitary minutes to playBomberman Livebut was quickly sidetracked by mid3vol’s sexy space suit and consequentially didn’t end up playing that much that night. Meanwhile I’m still grinding away atElite Beat Agents. Turns out it’s quite the energizing conduit to kick-off my mornings while on my way to work. Yatta!
Colette Bennett:Bomberman LIVE, Overlord, andSecret of Manaon my PSP. I loveeee that delicious little PSP. If I could, I would eat it.
Gameboi:First I’d like to say that I’m proud of Nick for taking the time to test the NASCAR waters this week. Uncle Jesse and the rest of us country folk down here in Hazzard County are mighty proud of you. Tonight, we shall square dance and eat possum in your honor. As far as games go, it’s been a light week for me.
Still missing that 360, and toying around with a couple games such asMaximoandKillzone, but nothing serious. I had my heart set on doing a few laps around the left-turn only track myself this week — but missed out on it for obvious reasons. To add insult to injury, Microsoft emailed me wondering if I still need my Xbox 360 repaired, since they haven’t heard from me or seen the one I sent them. Never mind that I just received the box yesterday. Can somebody remind me again why I crack on Sony so much? My memory is getting a bit foggy as of late.
To let us know what games you’ve been playing this week, use the comments below!
