You’re probably wondering how in the world a patch can be humorous. Yeah, me too. Somehow, Gearbox achieved the impossible and created such a thing. The newest update forBorderlandson PC fixes a wide assortment of issues — and some of them are so ridiculous, I don’t even know what to say. Take this one, for instance: “The ‘Careful, he bites’ achievement should now properly unlock when playing in French.” Uh,what? Or how about “Opening the bank in the ‘Mad Moxxi’ DLC no longer prevents other players from moving....

Listen up, agents, here is your summer plan — you’re going to be playing Ruffian’sCrackdown 2. The game is set to ship to North American store shelves on July 6. Asia, Australia, and New Zealand will see the game on July 8. Europe, hold tight — it’s coming July 9. To kick off the “road to launch,” Ruffian has released a video documentary entitled, “Fun With Friends.” The first of three, it shows off the game’s “non-stop, crazy action,” which means a lot of crap blows up....

We’ve seen hide nor hair of Namco Bandai’sSplatterhouseremake lately, but nothing can hide from the Internet for long, and copies of the game are going on sale at this very moment. The only downside is that you’re not supposed to own it at all. Oh, and it costs $675. Yes, you read that correctly. A man from Michigan thinks that his early (and possibly illegal) games are so valuable that people are willing to part with almost $700 to get their hands on one....

Capcom’s handsome S-Killis looking for a few good men and womenin the San Francisco/Bay Area to help test out a brand new game. If you’re in the area, send Capcom a message with some of your personal information and if you’re chosen, you’ll be going to Capcom’s offices in San Mateo for a full day of testing. The test is happening on November 21 from 1PM to 7PM and Capcom will provide food, give out swag and will actually listen to your feedback on the game....

Sometimes posts just write themselves. Such is the case with this latest edition ofCaptain Obvious. I think we can all agreeanalystsare pretty … well, useless. Usually, they spout off things we all already know or something so outlandish that only a person who really wasn’t in touch with “real gamers” would say. Take a look at what this genius said (what’s even worse is that gaming biz siteslike thiscontinue to feed the useless beast):...

These days, buying a CD nets you that one radio hit, another “good song” and then several skip tracks. And what’s with these 8 and 9-song CDs these days? I want more for my money! Konami knows you want lots of music when you plunk down cash, so they’re bringing Castlevania fans19 discsof music in their upcoming collection. TheAkumajo Dracula Best Music Collections BOXwill include goodies such as soundtracks toCastlevaniaon the MSX2 andCastlevania Legendsas well as the new stuff like the music from Order of Ecclesia....

Today I went to the CES Gaming Pavilion, which is usually full of despair and sadness, especially for a games blogger covering a tech show. To my surprise, there was a huge crowd there. Was there actually something cooler than inflatable gaming chairs this year? Surely the crowd wasn’t there for the slightly-too-old booth ‘babes’ they had lined up. As I came closer to the crowd, I noticed people drinking beer....

More single-player missions for the Blood Ravens, a raise in level cap from 20 up to 30, previously unseen multiplayer content: all of this will be present in theChaos Risingexpansion forWarhamer 40,000: Dawn of War 2. Most importantly, though, is the inclusion of the Chaos Space Marines. Oh yeah, we knewthey were comingalright — but I wasn’t expecting them to bring it so hard. The squeamish aren’t going to want to watch the trailer, and they’redefinitelynot going to want to witness the bloodshed depicted in the gallery....

Here’s a new trailer forRenegade Ops, showing off the gameplay modes that can be found within. For those who don’t know,Renegade Opsis a top-down co-op vehicular shooter made by Avalanche. It has a generic name, and the gameplay is fun. Check out the footage and let us know what you think. I’m pretty stoked.

If making amoviebased onPrince of Persia: Sands of Timewasn’t already enough to get fans of the awesome videogame series nervous, now comes news ofanotherPrince of Persiagame being made by Ubisoft that is based on said upcoming movie version. So, let me get this straight: We have theoriginalPrince of Persia trilogy already released and anewgame— said to be the first of a new trilogy — coming out later this year. And the Jerry Bruckheimer movie —announcedabout a few weeks ago — is based on the originalSands of Timeand is starting production this summer....

This past weekend, when I was off hunting for games to talk about from the 2010 Independent Games FestivalStudent Showcase, I came out with a few solid candidates. One of which wascalledCave, and the others — well, I’m saving those for slow news days. Today happens to be one of those dreadfully dull days. This time, I’ll be discussing a flash-based gamecalledContinuity. In a nutshell, it’s what I imagine you’d get if you were to combine a jigsaw puzzle with a platformer....

Nintendo DS Action RPGAvalon Codeis coming to us by way of Marvelous Entertainment USA and XSEED Games this year, and we have some new screens to hold you over until then. This game comes from Matrix Software, who you might know as the makers of the PlayStation gameAlundra. After doing the refreshedFinal Fantasysfor the DS, they’re back with their own game, an RPG where your job is to take a magic book called the Book of Prophecy and write down everything before the world ends....

Ubisoft is giving away the firstAssassin’s Creedfor those who buyAssassin’s Creed: Revelationson PlayStation 3 during launch. Day-one purchases will include the 2007 game (Has it really been that long?) on the Blu-ray disc. Considering how wary of new intellectual property game-buying consumers can be, it wouldn’t shock me to hear that quite a few current series players didn’t become fans until a game or two had already been released. Question is, will they want to go so far back?...